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Twinned and Confused

Managing one crazy day at a time

First blog post

This is my first blog ever!  It will be rough, raw and honest.  I am not a typical stay-at-home mom and have a hard time relating to them.  I also do not know ONE single twin mom my age.  And if you are a twin mom you know that singleton mothers (especially the ones that say I have two kids in diapers–give me a break!!) just do not understand the difficulties that having twins entails.  On top of having two bundles of joy I am also an exclusive pumper.  This is a topic that can be “controversial”.  And by controversial I mean people judge you.  Why don’t you breastfeed? Why not just formula feed? I mean who really damn cares how I feed my babies as long as they are getting fed, right?  I am pretty much trying to figure this out on most days by myself as my husband works and is on call quite often.  So, I am starting this blog to potentially help any twin mothers, vent, relate, and to give tips on products that have made keeping my sanity possible and managing two babies at one time! So, enjoy.  Feel free to comment or ask questions and I will be more than happy to respond.  This is a work in progress, so bear with me but there will be more to come.

Featured post

Visitors After Giving Birth

Since a couple of my friends are due with babies shortly after summer time I’ve been thinking about my own experience with visitors in the hospital after giving birth.  My perspective on this topic has totally changed since giving birth.

Let me preface by saying that I made it to 35 weeks.  A week prior to delivering I knew my body was telling me not to go to the office anymore.  I was a paralegal and I could no longer stand being a glorified paper grabber or document runner.  I had gained 74 pounds the babies were head down and I was freaking exhausted.  My babies seemed more important than fetching papers all day.  So, I worked the last week at home which some how still included running errands for the office.  Go figure.  But on the first day of week 35 I had a doctor’s appointment at 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon.  I got up my normal time, around 5:30 and worked the morning from home on my laptop and left for my doctor’s appointment.  My point is in this is how early I woke up.  I never came home from my doctor’s appointment (which I knew I had taken my diaper bag and delivery bag with me) because I was 3 cm dilated and they were sending me over to labor and delivery to be induced.  Throughout the labor I tried to get rest but was not able to.  I started pushing around 5:30 a.m.  At that point I was already up for 24 hours and hadn’t eaten since probably around 11:00 a.m. the day before.  The boys were born at 6:51 and 7:04 a.m.  You know the whirlwind after the babies are out.  We had one baby that was with us and one baby that went to the NICU.  When I got put in my room I finally got to eat and tried to nap.  Which gets me to my topic.

I couldn’t nap because my phone kept going off and the visitors started to roll in.  I was very much a people pleaser so when people asked if they could come visit I said yes but I also didn’t know how difficult it would be.  I was in so much pain from the episiotomy after delivering and they had given me pain medicine.  I hate taking pain medicine.  It makes me so nauseous.  So, I fought back the waves of nausea while visitors rolled in.  I think we had roughly 8 visitors the first day.  I looked like I had went through war, I was nauseous, I had one baby I was trying to bond and learn how to take care of, I had one baby in the NICU I couldn’t see because I was trapped with visitors, and I hadn’t slept.  Oh and you know I had a lactation consultant pressuring me about trying to nurse.  I knew I didn’t want to nurse the boys and that I wanted to pump.  For one I was scared of how it would feel but for two I was just plain exhausted.  I didn’t even get to pump until the next day.  Which in hindsight I wish I would have told everyone to wait and see the babies until we were home.  Finally around 7:00 I had another round of visitors.  My only request was that people keep the baby away from the air conditioning vent, which is where the comfy chair happened to be.  The guests took it upon themselves to rearrange the room blocking my way to the bathroom when I felt like I was going to throw up.  When I asked everyone to move the person got pissed, got up spilled coffee all over my insurance paperwork (ruining it) and I fucking lost it.  I absolutely had a breakdown.  At that point in the day I hadn’t slept in 38 hours, pushed out two babies, was emotional because one was in the NICU and sick to my stomach.  I was in such shambles the nurse asked everyone to leave, hugged me and told me I think you should go take a shower, visit your baby in the NICU (because I hadn’t been able to because of all the visitors) and go to bed.  I did what she said and it was the best thing I could have done.  I needed to see my baby and hold him.

So, in retrospect I wish the time had been saved for just my husband and I and the babies.  I needed time to bond with them, rest while I could and take the time under supervision to learn to pump properly.  I didn’t get much time for that.  Being in the hospital is a stressful time given that situation but it really should be used to rest up in my opinion, at least when you are bringing twins home.  Take advantage of the nursery between bonding.  Get as much sleep as possible.  When the babies came home they HAD to eat every three hours.  So I was up feeding babies and pumping every three hours.  I got like no sleep for at least 4 months.  I wish I had taken the three days in the hospital to rest and let my body heal.

Given my experience I now know that I will give a person time once they have delivered and ask if they want visitors.  Ask! That’s the key word.  Don’t just show up and don’t just ask what room they are in.  But ask if they even want people to visit.  It’s so much less stressful to have people come meet the babies in the comfort of my own home.

Also, if my husband and I ever have another baby I am going to make it crystal clear that we want visitors reserved for when we come home.  I will take that time to bond with my baby and to rest.  And well if that hurts someone’s feelings they are being selfish.  I think my people pleasing has gone down since becoming a mother.  Sometimes I need to do what is best for me and my children.  Even if I am doing what is best for me at the end of the day that is doing what is best for the kid’s as well.  They don’t need to have a stressed out, unhappy mother because she is too busy acquiescing to other people’s wants and desires.

Did you allow visitors after giving birth?  In retrospect would you still allow visitors?

Weekend of Screaming Baby

This weekend or last week rather one of my twins decided to be a holy terror, which just so happens to coincide with my husband being incapacitated.  This equation makes for a very stressful week but particularly bad weekend.  I am not sure if you other mommas follow the Wonder Weeks or not however I have along this journey.  It seems to be at times when my babies going through huge mental leaps that he seems to follow into what the Wonder Weeks refers to as the three C’s:  cranky, clinging and crying.  This can be the only conclusion that I can come to that would explain his actions.  During the last weeks he has probably gone through the biggest leaps that I can think of since he was born.  Within the month he has mastered crawling, pulling up and standing, the pinscher grasp, and making all kinds of new sounds.

stand no

Over the weekend, if he was not touching me he was crying and even then sometimes he was still crying.  And it’s not just the crying because I can tolerate that but he was full on screaming.  I could not change his diaper without him trying to roll over and if I tried to roll him back over it was a new level of hissy fit that I have never seen before.  In addition to this I have a full on puree strike from both of my bubs.  Noah, the one going through the mental distress as I will call it, was having a full on meltdown during eating.  I felt like I was waterboarding the kid during feeding.  The first 6 or 7 spoonfuls would go flawlessly and then all of a sudden he would start hysterically crying to a point that he would make himself sick.  I am obviously not going to force feed a baby.  So he’s gone without his solids for a few meals.  Making me feel even worse about this situation.  So, this morning I said screw the purees and they got pancakes and fruit.  You would think that the whole world had shifted.  I had two smiling, laughing babies eating their breakfasts.  And best part I didn’t have to do a darn thing besides sit there and watch them feed themselves.  So, I guess we are done with purees.  This makes me nervous because last week there was a choking incident on a puff.  I lept across the room like a ninja, took the tray to the high chair off in one swooped, scooped up the bub and did the Heimlich.  Right afterward I thought to myself well that was dramatic the damn thing probably would have dissolved.  Mother instinct, I guess?  That’s what we will go with anyways.

Having my husband home since his accident at work is of course nice to spend time together.  However, I am used to doing my “job” alone.  I am used to caring for the boys but this past couple weeks it feels like muppet theater.  You know the two muppets sitting in the front commentating on the movie?  And well I’m the movie.  Like I said earlier I follow the Wonder Weeks mental leap chart.  My boys have never been on the actual weeks and that could be because they were born 5 weeks early but like I said they definitely seem to follow that three C’s rule.  Yesterday my husband was insistent on the fact that Noah was being super needy and if we wanted to cut it out we would need to ignore his behavior.  I have a different opinion.  I think that he needs nurtured to get through this leap so during these times I oblige Noah’s neediness.  I am used to doing this solo but now I feel like I have someone critiquing me.  Which makes doing my “job” a little more difficult.  Several times during the day yesterday my husband said we made him this way.  Well I am the one with them 85% of the time so in other words he is saying I made him this way.  This may be a little over sensitive but it’s also the logical reach.  All that aside I get it, he isn’t used to seeing him like this and at times I am uber frustrated.  Around 5:15 yesterday I had a mental breakdown.  Both babies were screaming I was trying to get them changed and Noah was freaking out about getting a diaper put on and let’s face it at that point they had already been up 12 hours and it was day 6 of crabby bub.  I just cried as I was feeding him.  Then of course later on after Noah was bathed and he was waiting for his bottle he was just so damn cute and I felt frustrated with myself for getting frustrated.  I tried to explain to my husband that wouldn’t it be hard to be a baby, want something, not really know what you want, not being able to verbalize it or get it for yourself?  I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m bat shit crazy and maybe I am.  Do any of you mommas out there have any input?

Despite the weekend being a bit of a shit show there were some smiles and new experiences.

picnic bubs
Bubs trying out there picnic table

For some reason I was super excited about getting them a pool.  Maybe because I love the water so much.  Noah was on a sit strike for almost a month now and is getting to the point where he will sit again so we thought it was a good time to try it out.

pool bubs
Don’t worry they have swim diapers on so they don’t wee in the pool

So, you can see that they got to experience some new things and there were some smiles this weekend.  I hope that everyone had a great Father’s Day Weekend!

Twin Mom Club

I truly feel like being a twin mom is some kind of elitist club.  It’s a double-edged sword to be in this club.  In the same hand you are doubly blessed but also have the curse of being stuck with people not understanding your day in and day out struggles.  It’s hard for me to relate to well basically anyone that I know anymore.  I don’t know but a couple of twin moms in real life (versus virtual world).  I have connected with some awesome moms since starting this blog but not one close enough to hang out with and get our kids together.  This is part of the reason as I had said in the past that being a twin mom feels very isolating.  For one its hard to leave the house, no one wants to visit a house with screaming babies and even if they did they still can’t relate to me.  My friends don’t understand what its like having two babies that need the exact same things at the exact same time and that are going through the same learning developments at the same time.  I think that really is integral.  That’s why it is annoying when people say I have kids very close in age so I understand.  Nope, nope you don’t.  Yesterday was quite a frustrating day.  The bubs learned to crawl and well I don’t think that is going to last very long.  Noah is already trying to walk with one of those push walkers.  But they are learning to pull up.  Rather than finding an inanimate object to pull up on, which would make the most sense, they like to use me.  It started with Noah.  He would pull up on my shirt crying in my face because he couldn’t get leverage.  Then it evolved into him basically grasping at anything on me to pull himself up.  It could be my hair, my ears, my necklace, sleeve or just anything he could grasp at.  Once he’s up he just hangs on and I’m stuck.  If I move I knock him down.  I can’t tend to the other baby.  If I put him down on the ground he would through a tantrum of epic proportions, slamming his face on the floor which then turns into a justifiable shit fit.  This was leaving me to neglect Gabe because I was constantly tending to Noah.  Well yesterday it started.  Gabe wanting to pull up on me.  I had two tiny humans grasping on me constantly yesterday.  And not only that they were crying and hysterical.  It really was a shit show yesterday.  By the end of the day I was shaken.  My nerves shot.  I know this is a stage and it too shall pass but I think this is the hardest one yet.  Not only am I trying to help them but we have hardwood or laminate type flooring rather and they keep falling.  I don’t know what to do with that.  Do I let them fall?  I posted on my personal Facebook page and moms responded, yes let them fall.

But back to my point.  This is why being a twin mom is an elitist club.  You have to put up with two tiny humans needing the same things and going through every developmental stage there is at the same time.  I see singleton moms bitch about chasing their kids around all the time.  Now imagine doing that alone times two.  Seems hard, right?  Then why on earth would you tell a twin mom to bring her kids in tow to an event?  If one person has a hard time keeping up with one baby or toddler, how do you think a twin mom will handle it?  She will have a hard time.  I think the biggest piece of advice I can give to someone is to have some compassion and understanding to a twin mom.  I understand that I have neglected friendships and relationships within my family.  However I get so sick of hearing, just bring them with you.  That makes me realize how truly isolated I am.  People just don’t understand.  Sometimes in my head I say wait until they have a kid but then I remember it doesn’t matter because they won’t have two.  They still won’t truly understand.  And I guess at this point in my twin mom hood I am in a stage that I will call “my give a shit is broken”.  Especially right now.  My husband being injured and not much of a help (not complaining just stating what is) is making things a little more difficult around the house and I have to focus on my family.  They have to be my main focus because let’s face it they are my priority.

However, being a twin mom is also so awesome.  You get to have twice the love, twice the hugs, twice the kisses and twice the laughs.  If one baby is crabby the other baby is usually happy.  Sometimes they are both crabby in this house but it’s few and far between.  So, at least you still have a rainbow at the end of the storm.  My babies are now giving kisses.  Or at least when I say “give me kiss” they will kind of just come at you in slow motion with their mouth half open.  Which I think is just so hilariously cute!  So being in this elitist club has its perks.  There is also enough baby loving to go around.  When my husband is not broken we are able to both hold a baby and love on them.  That’s pretty special.  Also, they have each other.  Since putting up a large playpen in my living room they play together now.  This is the first time that they have really truly played with each other and it is just so neat to watch.  The are usually side by side tinkering with something.  It is also really amazing how they go through the different stages of growing and learning but do them differently.  For instance, Noah learned how to crawl the traditional way.  Gabe, on the other hand, learned to crawl on his belly dragging his little legs behind him at first and then a week and a half later then, started crawling on his knees.  My identical twins couldn’t be more different in the way they learn and develop.  So, seeing that is just so cool to me.

I love being a twin mom but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days.  Yesterday was one of those bad days and sometimes it’s just nice to vent.  It is also nice to be able to relate to other twin moms.  So, don’t take this post as a tirade.  Also, if someone is reading this and they don’t have twins but may know someone who has twins maybe this will give them some insight and understanding into that person and what they may be dealing with.  I see compassion going out the window in this world.  If people had more compassion towards others or at least understanding to someones circumstances the world might be a happier place.

Gravity

This morning I found myself trying to force out a topic for my blog.  And I got frustrated.  That is not why I started this.  People don’t need another know it all forcing what they think is best on people.  This blog and my posts will always be from my perspective on what I have found best for doing what I do.  If it works and gives you another idea of how to handle things or helps in any way shape or form well that would make me feel truly honored.  I have been rolling with this adventure blind as a bat.  I don’t know what I am doing and honestly didn’t really turn to anything for ideas, I just found out what worked best and went from there.  But this morning I didn’t want to write about any life hacks.  I’m titled this blog entry “Gravity” for a couple different reasons.  One reason, I have always said that my days can kind of be montonous, or as I called it Groundhog Day.  My days are on a loop playing over like an old mix tape.  I am not complaining I find comfort in routine and the babies have thrived on it.  However, this morning instead of floating in space and in routine I can feel gravity pulling me back to Earth.  And the gravity of last week’s events are weighing heavy on my mind.  As I said in, In an Instant…, my husband was in an accident at work last week. I didn’t quite know the whole story as to what happened.  I had only got bits and pieces of what happened as he could tell me.  But apparently he was on a roof of an apartment complex that he was servicing (he is a HVAC mechanic) and he was about to step on his later when it gave out from under him.  He fell about 10 feet onto a wrought iron railing.  Luckily he had a tool backpack on and that had absorbed some of the brunt of the fall.  I’m always a stickler with money and he had asked for a new backpack a couple of months ago.  Reluctantly I told him to buy the $300.00 backpack.  I guess I need to listen to him more often when in comes to things he needs for his job.  Lesson learned. The railing ultimately caused the injuries but if he hadn’t of caught it he would have fallen an additional 10 feet and circumstances could be very different.  I could be attending his funeral this week or he could have been paralyzed.

Today is the first day that I am without help.  By chance his mother was already planning a trip here to visit the twins and us to of course but let’s face it they steal the show.  Who knew that her visit would be a blessing.  She was able to help out with whatever I needed really.  It’s hard for me because I have lived my life, especially the last 12 years of living on my own knowing that I could not turn to anyone for help.  So, to have someone here ready and willing I still find it hard to ask for help.  That’s a shame.  I take on a bit of a burden unnecessarily.  But it’s what I have learned for self-preservation not just being a stubborn ass.  But her being here was more helpful than I can put into words to her.  She was so great with the babies.  I could see hearts pouring out of her as she played with them.  It was heart-warming to see.  I had such a wonderful grandma (my GG) and she is the one person that had the greatest impact on my life.  She taught me what unconditional love was.  She died when I was young and I know my life would be different if she had stuck around.  So, seeing someone with my boys that loves them means more to me than anything could ever put a price on.

But today I am here alone right now.  The boys are taking their first nap and my husband had to ask a neighbor to take him to the doctors.  I am just overcome with emotions.  I am so utterly grateful that the situation was what it was.  It could have been so much worse.  I am stressed from last week and more than anything tired.  Not tired like sleepy tired but run down.  I realized in the last week how much my husband does but not only that how much flawless teamwork we have.  From getting the boys up, to bottles, to washing of dishes and clothes, to having a system in order for me to cook dinner and most of all bedtime routine.  We are the best team that I could ever imagine.  Now my teammate is out for a bit and it’s hard.  I knew that when it came to the bulk of taking care of the babies that was always on me, because well duh I am a stay-at-home-mom but he is still there in the morning and evening for the hardest part of the days.  It sucks but this too shall pass.  I can take comfort in that.

So, this blog post is being true to as to why I started this blog.  It’s my life and my truth.  And the truth is this is what was on my mind this morning.  I will get back to some of the other things, like a list of the coolest toys my bubs are playing with right now or surviving learning to crawl and pull up (because this is some scary shit and I could use some advice as well) and so on.  But for this morning I just feel like a rock on the ground that gravity has forced there but I know that this too shall pass and tomorrow will be a new day.

In an Instant…

Life can change in an instant.  Everyone knows that but its that common thought, “it will never happen to us”.  Every wife that dreads that phone call.  My husband is an HVAC mechanic so in passing thought it may not seem like a dangerous job.  However on a daily basis he is dealing with high volts of electricty, chemicals and heights.

At 9:06 Monday morning I got that call.  It was my husband.  At 9:00 a.m. I am usually upstairs getting the babies down for their nap.  However, Noah had taken a tumble while trying to pull himself up so I was trying to comfort him when my phone rang.  I answered and my husband’s voice was something I will never ever forget in a lifetime.  He told me he fell off a roof and 911 was on the way.  I asked if he was okay and he said I don’t know I need help.  I get sick writing this.  I knew from his tone it wasn’t good, but he called so that was a little comforting.  I kept asking if he could move everything but he had to go.

The next 20 minutes are a blur.  I started crying which upset the babies.  I knew I had to be strong.  I pulled my shit together and got them down for a nap and then went into recovery mode.  I had no way to get to my husband at that moment.  No one was here to take the babies.  I didn’t know where my husband fell so I called his office dispatch she was able to give me an address but no status on his condition.  She then started crying.  I hung up realizing I was comforting her telling her it was going to be okay, but was it?

Then my phone rang.  My husband was calling me on a video chat.  Only my husband.  He was in a neck brace immobilized and I could hear sirens.  He was in the ambulance and they were rushing him to the hospital.  The call did not have good reception and he was just frozen on the screen.  Which sent me into hysterics.  I needed to know the condition.  He called me back and told me he could move his fingers, legs, feet and toes.  Thank you God.  He was alive but at that point my fear was that he was going to be paralyzed.  He told me that he was on a roof when his ladder shifted, giving away.  HE went to go grab a gutter but the home owner had a guard on them so there was no where to grab.  He fell 10 feet onto a railing below.  He happened to be wearing his tool backpack and that took the brunt of the fall.  If he hadn’t of caught the railing he would have fallen another 10 feet to the ground.  He had to get off the phone.

His mother was by happenstance flying into town that day.  I made arrangements for her to be picked up and had my mom come watch the boys so I could get to my husband.  In the meantime, he was taken to the trauma department of the hospital.  They quickly evaluated him.  He had a lacerated and bleeding spleen, multiple rib fractures (pretty much his whole left side front and back), fractured L1L2, and a collapsed lung.  They were keeping him at the hospital.

It took me over 4 hours to get to my husband.  The longest 4 hours I could imagine.  Luckily his boss at work was able to go be with him while I couldn’t.

I hate hospitals.  I hate seeing people in pain.  Seeing someone I love in pain is hard.  When I walked into his room seeing him hooked up to monitors made me cry instantly.  However, I cannot put into words how much worse this situation could have been.  The gravity of the situation was hard to bear.  Never in my life did I think that I could be left alone with two babies to take care of.  It is absolutely terrifying to me that these babies could lose their father.  I just cannot put into words how thankful I am that this isn’t the case right now.

I feel guilty thinking about my entries complaining that its hard to take care of these babies alone during the day.  How petty.  Is it difficult? Yes.  Do I have my partner helping me all the the other times?  Abso-fucking-lutely.  Do I understand how much he does now?  Abso-fucking-lutely.  My husband truly by every meaning of the word is my partner.  He is everything.  He does so much around here.  Now that burden will be on me while he is healing.  I will gladly take this burden because I know that it is temporary.  He will heal and be here.  He will be here to help when he is better.  That makes me feel so happy.

So, my blog may be on hiatus for a little bit while I take care of my two baby bubs and my dear husband.

But I am thankful beyond words.  I have my husband.  Broken and all but I still have my husband!

Grocery Shopping with Infant Twins

I have been to the store with the boys alone more times than I can count.  Its been one of the things I try to do alone with them.  But it is usually just to grab a few things.  I reserve the week-long, giant grocery trip for Saturdays when my husband is home.  This past Saturday morning he got called out to work.  You guys know how much I love him getting called out to work (Friday Feels (May 26th)), two days in a row was wonderful.  NOT.  I figured that we could just go grocery shopping on Sunday but then I realized I was out of baby food and that grocery shopping of some sort was going to be inevitable not to mention I was out of food for us too.

Here are my tips for surviving a trip to the store with two little humans.

  1. Be organized.  I always make a list anyways but this time it was super important.  I didn’t want to be wandering around the store wondering what I was going to make for the week and what ingredients I would need.  I usually sit down after they go down for their first nap, plan the menu for the week, and make a list of what ingredients I will need at the store to make the items.  This week I learned that it’s a must to put everything on the list.  I forgot some essentials that I usually don’t put on the list that are just a given, like coffee creamer and almond milk.  So, a second trip was warranted on Monday but can’t be perfect, right?
  2. Make sure the babies are fed, which equals content and their diapers are changed.  Even though it is inevitable that Gave will poop as soon as he gets in the car I still want to set up the situation for success.
  3. Make sure the diaper bag is stocked.  I always leave the diaper bag in the car because I really don’t need it in the house, so I always try to make sure that I have enough diapers and wipes.
  4. Scour the parking lot of the grocery store for a double cart.  We usually go to one of two stores to go grocery shopping.  One of which is Wal-Mart.  I personally hate Wal-Mart but the local grocery store we go has had some questionable products.  We have come home with bad ground turkey, moldy cheese and english muffins.  I was severely disappointed.  I could NOT handle the madness of Wal-Mart alone so I went to the local grocery store, which was good because I like their double carts.  Lucky for me one was in a cart corral which I parked next to and loaded up the boys.
  5. Next, is pretty simple attack the store one aisle at a time going off your list.
  6. Be prepared for people who are going to stop and ask you about your babies.  It was way worse for me than it has ever been before on Saturday.  I guess because I was alone?  I have no idea.  At one point I was stopped three times going down one aisle.  This couple cornered me and were asking me questions.  I dodged between them, they asked how old the babies were and running away (not really even exaggerating) I yelled down the aisle 10 months and kept on going.
  7. Pick a grocery store that bags the groceries for you.  I picked one that you have to bag them on the conveyor belt.  Bad move.  Between the cashier talking to me, a worker that was manning the self check out questioning me about the babies, trying to keep an eye on the babies that were now becoming squirrely and bagging the groceries it was a little overwhelming.
  8. Have a game plan for when you get home.  Usually my husband and I have a good system.  One of us puts the babies in high chairs and feeds them lunch while the other is putting away groceries.  This time I had to improvise.  I carried in the groceries so they didn’t have to sit in the hot car, brought the babies in putting them in the high chair immediately and then put the groceries away while they played in the high chairs.

I survived my first trip to the grocery store, shopping for the whole week of groceries.  It was a success.  Do I want to do it all the time? No, however, it is nice to know that I can do it.  One thing I thought long and hard this week while I was alone more than I really have been was how hard it has to be for people who don’t have a choice but to do this one their own.  I give them so much credit for doing what they have to do to take care of their babies.  It’s hard.

How do you twin mommas or mommas with multiple kids grocery shop?

Friday Feels (May 26th)

I don’t normally blog on the weekends, however, I have had a rather frustrating evening, my husband isn’t home and I would like to vent.

My day actually started out nice.  The boys took a decent morning nap and they had a play date at the park.  The bubs were fairly good and they enjoyed their time out of the house.  They of course cannot tell me that but they seemed rather pleased.  They were also inseparable today.  In the picture for this post is them just staring at each other.  So cute!

They woke up early from their second nap and my husband got sent home from work around noon.  I didn’t like what was in the fridge for dinner and lets face it, it’s Friday I don’t want to cook AGAIN!  So, I thought why not try to take the boys out to an actual dinner.  We should go to Texas Roadhouse.  My husband is on call this Memorial Day weekend and before we left he called his office to see if had gotten busy.  They told him no (he does HVAC).  So, we loaded up the boys and headed to an early dinner.  It was already busy at the restaurant even though it was only around 4:00 p.m.

It started out as a disaster.  In hindsight we should have just walked out.  I didn’t care for the high chairs.  They were tiny little high chairs that go on the bench in the booth and slid into place.  So, I put Noah in and my husband had Gabriel.  The straps on the one that Noah was in was broken.  So, we had to ask for another one and do the whole process over again.  The boys are loving actual food and oddly refusing their bottles.  I don’t know if that is a phase or if they are just ready to be weaned but that’s a whole other story.  So, we have the boys some of the rolls to keep them occupied.  They of course loved it.

As soon as we placed our orders, my husband’s phone rang.  He had four calls for emergency service.  I started to cry into my side salad.  This may seem dramatic but honestly I take care of the twins at least 85% by myself.  By Friday I am emotionally and physically drained.  I yearn for help.  I get excited when it’s Friday because I am no longer alone and my partner is there.  And if no one has had twins they cannot say they understand the struggle of putting twins to bed.  So, I knew at that moment sitting at the table I would be putting the babies to bed alone.  For some ungodly reason our bedtime routine consists of baths, bottle and story time.  It’s the routine and has been for probably at least five months.  I am scared to mess with that.  I have done it alone before but this week everything changed.  I have one baby that has mastered crawling and another that is belly crawling.

We decided to finish our dinner.  Well then Gabriel sounded like he was choking.  I cannot quite describe how he sounded but he sounded like he had something in his throat and couldn’t get it up and he was turning bright red.  We smacked his back and he laughed.  So, he was obviously okay but I thought maybe he had something in the back of his throat and he didn’t know what to do.  So, we have him a drink of water.  My husband even took him outside to get a better look at him since it was dark in the restaurant he was fine.  He was doing it for attention and he wanted more food.  I had brought baby food with me so we decided to feed them.  At that point Gabriel started spitting his food all over, hitting me and getting all over my shirt across the table.

I was over it.

We packed up our entrees and asked for a the tab.  At that moment the woman sitting behind my husband (I can see her) hocks a loogie (I am not quite sure that is how that is spelled but it’s not in my common vernacular) and spits it into a bowl.  I shit you not.  Who does that?  Is that normal?

We left.

I will not go into detail but bath time with one baby crawling was an epic disaster.  I have to wash them one at a time because one baby won’t sit up in the bath tub because he is too busy playing with his boy parts (which isn’t a big deal when there are two of us–we have an awesome routine).  I had one baby crawling all over me while bathing the other and it was just an epic shit show.

But both babies are bathed, fed and asleep as I write this.  So, my job is done.

Sometimes I really do feel alone.  The worst part is that no one truly understand this unless they have twins.  The struggle of two babies at the exact same age is unreal sometimes.

I am having a pity party tonight, can you tell?  I know the silver lining is hey he is getting overtime but honestly I don’t care about the money.  No amount of money will make up for missed time with family or my sanity but I guess if it has to be that way that is the silver lining.

On a different note, this is Memorial Day weekend.  I hope everyone takes a minute and really thinks about the meaning and remembers those that have died for our country.  I will take an extra few minutes this weekend and remember happy moments of my brother.  I have written of him in the past he was in the Navy and a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and he killed himself on Christmas of 2014.  He sacrificed his mental health for this country and he will always be remembered as a hero in my book regardless of how we went out.

Also as a side note, my husband is in the service industry and they do run emergency service calls to service people’s air conditioners and heaters.  Prior to meeting him I never thought about tipping service people who come to my home, granted prior to this I did live in an apartment.  But he is taking time away from his family on holidays.  He was on call for Christmas last year and got called out quite a few times.  It’s amazing how many people do not tip but even something small goes a long way when someone has to take hours away from their families on holidays or weekends.

Anyways, I hope that everyone has a safe holiday weekend!

Are they twins?: Dealing with random questions from strangers

I’m sure that any twin momma may relate to this post.  Going anywhere with twins is always an adventure in and of itself because, well you are getting yourself and two infants ready.  But what makes those trips out even harder?  Other people!

The question is how to address people who follow you around the grocery store asking you asinine questions while you are just trying to pick out cereal.  I have found a barrage of funny memes that I post to my Facebook wall that I would love to say to them.

It would go:

Them:  “Are they twins?”

Me:  “No, I just found one in the parking lot.” or “No, I just use the other one for spare parts.”  or “No, they are triplets but I leave the ugly one at home.”  or “Shit, where is the other one.  Tommy!!!”

But let’s face it that is rude.  Except they aren’t intentionally being rude but I would be.

So, instead I usually just grin and bear with their questions.  After people ask if they are twins the next question is are they boys or girls?  Well, they aren’t in dresses and wearing blue not that means anything but to me they are obviously boys.  Then it is usually followed up with a story about their great uncle once removed was a twin.  I don’t know why people feel the need to tell you about every twin they have ever met.  But none of this is as annoying as the personal questions that I have gotten.

Here are some of the off the wall personal questions I have gotten:

“Do you breastfeed?”

“Were they natural?”

“Did you want twins?”

And then there are other questions like, “do you have a favorite?”

Why! Why would you ask a stranger these questions?  I want to shout I’m just trying to buy some damn noodles leave me alone.  I am already an awkward, shy person so I don’t like small talk let alone small talk with strangers asking personal questions.

So, how do you deal with this?  I usually just smile and nod and try to make a break for it at the earliest opportunity.  I try not to be rude and the truth is I have limited time at the store.  I am usually there in between baby naps and feeding and just need to get in and out.  People obviously don’t mean any harm.  I guess since I have twins I don’t see the allure but people seem to sometimes think of them as a sideshow.  Kudos to mommas out there that take triplets or quads out of the house.  I can only imagine the spectacle.

Also, let this serve as a PSA for those that see twin mommas out there.  Let us be, we are running on limited time and have shit to get done!

What’s the weirdest question you got asked by a stranger?

The Madness Begins

Ok so it is happening.  I have a crawling baby.  Last night he was slowly mastering it.  He crawled across the bedroom during bath time to flick the door jamb (which he just thought was hilarious by the way, I will have to get a video of it).  This morning he has just taken off.

This is making me realize all of the things that I haven’t quite baby proofed.  I’m sure that there will always be something that they will find even if you think that you have baby proofed 100%.  The first thing that I have found is the floor lamp.  It’s already been knocked over twice but not from him crawling, from them ramming it with the baby walkers.  We don’t have ceiling lights and won’t be able to put them in without undertaking tearing up all the sheetrock to wire it.

light.jpg
I’ve already told him no five times at this point.  Now I think he thinks it’s a fun new trick

What is scarier than one crawling baby?  Two crawling babies.  However, I am not quite there yet.  It’s a little sad that Noah is crawling all over the place and Gabey is not quite there yet.  He hasn’t gotten up on his knees yet.  He has pulled himself and wiggled forward dragging his little legs.  This is completely different from how Noah started.  I know, I know.  No comparing babies but it’s so dang hard.

gabe no
Don’t mind the mess!

The sad part is that Noah keeps crawling up to Gabey and stealing his toys.  Although I am not quite sure he is one to be bullied, he can usually dish it right back.

So, now the fun begins.  My new diet plan will be corralling babies.  I have noticed that Noah seems happier now that he can get over to what he wants to.  At least for today that is the case.

For those with twins how long did it take for your other baby to learn to crawl?

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