I am writing this blog to hopefully get some advice or perspective on an issue that I am having.
My husband and I haven’t had a moment out by ourselves in over two and a half months. The plain truth is that we don’t have much help. I’m in the process of looking or about to try out a babysitter. But I am scared as hell to tell the truth.
I want to know whether I am a control freak or are these feelings justified? I know that someone else that cares for my babies are not going to do it exactly like I do it. I am a drill sergeant when it comes to my schedule and I know that. However, I was never the kind of person that just goes with the flow. I am a planner and thrive on schedules and deadlines. Having twins though, I feel like if I didn’t have consistency we would all go up in flames. I know there is always some leeway with the schedule depending on what time they wake up, etc. but the basics are all the same. They are still eating X amount of times a day and have X amount of naps. I am not quite sure that anyone would understand unless they had to care for the babies for more than just an afternoon. Anyone can make it through a day with two crabby babies, but the truth is when they get off schedule they are usually nightmares for a couple of days. And that is no joke nor an exaggeration.
I feel like the problem with certain people watching the babies is that I cannot set the strict baseline guidelines that need to be set. The things that are not up for negotiation for me are the fact that the babies eat every 4 hours, when they wake up then around 10:00 a.m., 2:00 p.m., and then they get a snack bottle around 5:30 (just to get them to bed a little later per doctor’s recommendation) and then at 7:15ish is their nighttime bottle. Also, not up for negotiation are naps. They go down around 8:30 and up at 10:00 and from 12:30 or 12:45 to around 2:00 and then a catnap around 4:45. There is no negotiation when it comes to naps. The babies need their naps and they are absolutely miserable if they don’t get them. Not only that the day time sleep greatly affects how they will be at night. If they miss a nap or you let them nap too long they are up many times throughout the night not to eat but because they want to play. I feel like when I try to explain this to someone watching the babies that they get offended. They think they know better but the honest truth is that these guidelines are my truth and what works best for the babies which in turns works best for me. Now the time that they are awake as long as they aren’t crying I feel like that is open . I have my routine of what goes on while they are awake but I wouldn’t expect someone to follow that exactly.
I think that people think because they have a kid or raised a kid that they can do what they want. I wonder if they felt that way when others watched their kids? Have they forgotten? Or do they not care?
Also, I have a tough exterior but the truth is that I try to please too many people and am scared to offend anyone so often my needs and desires get walked on. But it’s really not about me anymore. To me it’s about the welfare of my children. I know that one day that I go out will not ruin them forever but why put them through undue stress when they don’t have to be. My husband and I had errands to run last week and the boys missed their last nap, they were crabby for days afterwards. Could it be a coincidence? Sure it could be but do I want to take the risk when I am in the house with them 24/7? NO!
So, my question is that unreasonable? Am I being irrational to what my schedule followed while I’m not around?