This morning I found myself trying to force out a topic for my blog. And I got frustrated. That is not why I started this. People don’t need another know it all forcing what they think is best on people. This blog and my posts will always be from my perspective on what I have found best for doing what I do. If it works and gives you another idea of how to handle things or helps in any way shape or form well that would make me feel truly honored. I have been rolling with this adventure blind as a bat. I don’t know what I am doing and honestly didn’t really turn to anything for ideas, I just found out what worked best and went from there. But this morning I didn’t want to write about any life hacks. I’m titled this blog entry “Gravity” for a couple different reasons. One reason, I have always said that my days can kind of be montonous, or as I called it Groundhog Day. My days are on a loop playing over like an old mix tape. I am not complaining I find comfort in routine and the babies have thrived on it. However, this morning instead of floating in space and in routine I can feel gravity pulling me back to Earth. And the gravity of last week’s events are weighing heavy on my mind. As I said in, In an Instant…, my husband was in an accident at work last week. I didn’t quite know the whole story as to what happened. I had only got bits and pieces of what happened as he could tell me. But apparently he was on a roof of an apartment complex that he was servicing (he is a HVAC mechanic) and he was about to step on his later when it gave out from under him. He fell about 10 feet onto a wrought iron railing. Luckily he had a tool backpack on and that had absorbed some of the brunt of the fall. I’m always a stickler with money and he had asked for a new backpack a couple of months ago. Reluctantly I told him to buy the $300.00 backpack. I guess I need to listen to him more often when in comes to things he needs for his job. Lesson learned. The railing ultimately caused the injuries but if he hadn’t of caught it he would have fallen an additional 10 feet and circumstances could be very different. I could be attending his funeral this week or he could have been paralyzed.
Today is the first day that I am without help. By chance his mother was already planning a trip here to visit the twins and us to of course but let’s face it they steal the show. Who knew that her visit would be a blessing. She was able to help out with whatever I needed really. It’s hard for me because I have lived my life, especially the last 12 years of living on my own knowing that I could not turn to anyone for help. So, to have someone here ready and willing I still find it hard to ask for help. That’s a shame. I take on a bit of a burden unnecessarily. But it’s what I have learned for self-preservation not just being a stubborn ass. But her being here was more helpful than I can put into words to her. She was so great with the babies. I could see hearts pouring out of her as she played with them. It was heart-warming to see. I had such a wonderful grandma (my GG) and she is the one person that had the greatest impact on my life. She taught me what unconditional love was. She died when I was young and I know my life would be different if she had stuck around. So, seeing someone with my boys that loves them means more to me than anything could ever put a price on.
But today I am here alone right now. The boys are taking their first nap and my husband had to ask a neighbor to take him to the doctors. I am just overcome with emotions. I am so utterly grateful that the situation was what it was. It could have been so much worse. I am stressed from last week and more than anything tired. Not tired like sleepy tired but run down. I realized in the last week how much my husband does but not only that how much flawless teamwork we have. From getting the boys up, to bottles, to washing of dishes and clothes, to having a system in order for me to cook dinner and most of all bedtime routine. We are the best team that I could ever imagine. Now my teammate is out for a bit and it’s hard. I knew that when it came to the bulk of taking care of the babies that was always on me, because well duh I am a stay-at-home-mom but he is still there in the morning and evening for the hardest part of the days. It sucks but this too shall pass. I can take comfort in that.
So, this blog post is being true to as to why I started this blog. It’s my life and my truth. And the truth is this is what was on my mind this morning. I will get back to some of the other things, like a list of the coolest toys my bubs are playing with right now or surviving learning to crawl and pull up (because this is some scary shit and I could use some advice as well) and so on. But for this morning I just feel like a rock on the ground that gravity has forced there but I know that this too shall pass and tomorrow will be a new day.